@miracle-illusions.bs

2010-11-24T15:04:00.002+08:00

PEOPLE!
visit my new blog @
http://chapters-oflife.blogspot.com/

2010-10-19T20:31:00.003+08:00

serious mood swing today.
wasnt in a good mood ehh tdy.
1st thing, looks
2nd, when i look in th mirror i saw fats
3rd, tmd my skin tone now SUPERRR chio ~.~ Half tan Half white.
this really me faint. feel lik banging th wall. sian
life is really...
i know i still have good frens around. struggling with my negativeness again.
tdy is rly not my day. low self esteem. then wadever i c is so negative. haiz.
grrr. whenever i think of fats i feel lik tearing th fats away!!!

i know why mother nature and only mother nature have th ability to control elements of earth.
human would abuse if they had those powers.
for me i might burn th whole world. keke
just my imaginations

2010-10-07T23:14:00.003+08:00

really down now, need someone to talk to, but seems tat everyone is asleep. well.
im so blind tat i cant c wads good about myself.
i wonder, isit really being myself is really good?
i wonder, do they even care?
i wonder, am i wanted?

i need someone to talk to, seriously

2010-10-06T18:25:00.003+08:00

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! suddenly super high when i came bak frm sch.
it's lik dun have intensive i super happy. my excuse= tution
went bak home then play with clothes, then ya.
TO MY HORROR THERE'S A HOLE on my fav legging. HEART PAIN LOR!!
frm a hole become a stretch. ~.~FAINT LAR. my heart bleeding LOL. kk being drama now
19 days to o's

i wonder will everyone be bak to norm after o's? everyone seems weird recently.

2010-10-03T01:05:00.004+08:00

to eevoon:

hmm past few days i've been sensing something from you. well. i knew that u gona say something b4 u did said tat on msn. somemore in chinese. i know u're more expresive in chinese but idk? hard time reading. but it's still managable though.

okay, frankly speaking, idk wad is your defination of friends? coz for me rite, once im devoted means i will always be de.
so ya. u asked me why i cared xxx so much. one of th reason is coz she made me feel im wanted again. burst into tears of joy when she asked me something. then , coz she had certain prob last time, then i've been talking to her alot. but for nw, nt rly. we drifted. but i still can read her though. well, sometimes.
another example is jia hui. she meant quite alot to me. bonded during our BITCH days. she's th best among all i would say and i will always rmb her. also, i can read her at times. even though now we nt as close, but it's ez for me to enter her heart.
for me, being there always is friends, even though cant help much. to me, being open to friends are true friendship. well, i was once hurt by friendship but i nvr gave up what i see in true friends.
kk enough of those not really relevant stuff.
now to th mainpoint.

first of all, perhaps u always nt with us?then ya.
2nd, idk how u treat frens lor. perhaps coz u lived far, thats why need leave sch earlier.
3rd, i dont lik ppl who study then act as if never study liddat. seriously, i really hate tis kind of person. though u nvr really fully show it, but somehow a little.
4th, actually i dont really know why we ended up liddat, perhaps i dont really lik ppl only focus everything on studies ba. you noe, one of th reason bitch seperated is coz lack of outings and thus bonding. so ya. for me bonding is very important.

k then im gona use this chance to voice out something i kept in my heart to lester.
got a fb comment right, somehow im affected by it. i know u're nt to blame, i should be th wrong party, as i never really went out with u guys.

oh ya, you said that even we nvr really chat, but im special to you. well. actually i do care for you, as well as nat, though i nvr express it out. i know u guys can manage. i can c that past few days u're quite bothered about our 2 de stuff, esp past few days.. hmm. now that u voiced out how u feel, i know what im gona do le. well. dont worry. u're still my fren uh. nobody is perfect i know. i myself have many flaws. i just need time to accept.
it's not your fault for our relationship today. it's not. so dont blame yourself, dont feel helpless in helping me. it's ok tat u nvr accompany me through my sad days. it's really fine. afterall, there are other feelings that wont lose to happiness, is it not?
since u voiced out how u feel, i would take a try to rebuilt our frienship alright?
i know what i said alittle no link, im a little blur blur nw=X and hor, i need to have u saying and i answering lol. if nt i will forgt uhh.

nevertheless, eevoon is re-loved by me again uhhh!!

2010-09-30T17:49:00.018+08:00

here is jasmine. jas, we never rly get chance to talk.blame o's .
hmm. i've guessed that i cant let it down. u nvr rly forgt. i know it's hard. u jus need another boy who loves u th way u are. who will be with u just because he loves you. it's hard to put down, i understand, i really do. but u cant go on like this. if u cant do it yourself u can depend on others. for example, we tofu. u can rely on us. jus to let you know that u arent alone okay? we are behind you. just turn behind and we'll be there. TOFU(s)will never leave u alrite. love is not everything. there's still kinship and friendship.

continue taking small baby steps towards true happiness alright? u're a brave girl. u've already went through so much. so take your time, and take one step at a time.

if you ever fall down, i'll be beside u to hold u up. to hug you when u cry. to help u to wipe away tears so that u wont have to do that alone, coz im here alrite.we're goin to go through life together alright?this is a promise. i believe tofu will be more than willing to help u too, imagine 20 odd of us to hold our dear jas when she falls down. keke. smile girl!

last reminder, do what is right alrite? no matter what we'll be with you. so dont feel odd one out alrite?

here is jia hui. well, sorry for giving you cold shoulders today. actually im nt really angry.

i just want u to say out the reason. you know me, i hate ppl hiding secrets, esp when i treat them as real true friends. be honoured that u're on my list. keke. well, hey girl! tofu is here alrite? we are here to help you. feel free to tell us everything. i know for tis prom thingy is rather odd to say out. but eventually u did. hey, there's 20+ of us right? everybody a little = A LOT ok!! so dont worry. im not ignoring you. i jus dont lik secrets. secrets make ppl sad. with secrets there's no way to built bridge into one person. tats wad i think. once again i appologise for what i did. imma gona give u a kiss as a token of my appology.
sry for making you cried. really sry ><

lastly, we are tofu. when we are alone, we are nothing but individuals.

but when we are together, we are tofu. everything is possible with tofu.

u wan wad tofu? Thai style tofu? fried tofu? steamed tofu? tofu with egg? tofu with prawn? tofu soup? u name it, we got it. that's how we are. we are diffrent as individuals, but is always the TOFU family.remember us alrite!! we are always with u. as i said to jas, im here by your side to hold you when u fall, to hug you when u cry. to help u to wipe away tears so that u wont have to do that alone, coz im here alrite. do i need loudspeaker to say that? i thought my voice is louder than loudspeaker? keke

some random pic that i took today. skipped lesson. i cant suppress my mood. so i avoid being too moody. im saving myself. sry teachers! i really wish i could be happy always.

think i look more and more fragile these days. ugly hair add on to my depression.imma still unable to accept th fact that i look better when hair is tied up. super fuck hate this fact. im still brooding over it and it's been at least 2 days. i seriously dont lik tying my HAIR UP!! GET IT? dont like it dont lik it dont like it!!OMG!! FAINT.

seriously, my hair look so CUI now lor. CMI! FK IT! AHHHHHH~~ hair is about artistic thingy and i've mess up mind. stupid me. AHHH~~ IM SOOO UGLLYYYYY =(tats hw i really felt.i think i needa get used to being ugly, so tat i wont feel hurt again. sigh.

they always said tat im nt ugly. well, i should say that when i say ugly is lik nt really ugly. its lik erm, how should i say it. is average, but it's because other's are pretty, making average ugly for me alright? there's so many ppl outside so pretty,unlike me.

spot those eye bags?omg. as plump as dumplings. i lik to eat dumplings but i dont expect it to be under my eyes right!! GOSH~.~ tis is th result of crying too much. BEWARE: CRYING HURTS.

to my horror, i think im getting uglier i seirously dk why?!! OMG !
few photo of th old me. seriously i think im off better with layer hair than thick straight hair

and lastly i think i deleted BITCH'S photos. cant rly find it anywhere. SHYT?! think i deleted it last time when i was rly depressed bout frens. -.-gosh ~.~

read my old blog, @lovex3-illusions.bs. recalled quite some things with him

though i got over our relationship, sometimes, just sometimes i still miss you, do you know that?

sometimes, i wished you where there.sometimes, just sometimes i wish to hug you tight, and say that i love you. sometimes, just sometimes, i wish you would touch me on my face, look into my eyes and say that u love me and you missed me. sometimes, just sometimes, i wish u were by my side, accompanying me to bed.so that i wont have to feel lonely no more.

2010-09-29T21:47:00.003+08:00

not very good week for me. well. dk how many fking times i cried. over different stuff of course
im rather disappointed with something, but i cant do anything rite? it's his choice.but i hope he choose correctly.
mjor break down today, well, a minor major one. bt things is not up to me to decide. then everyone knew i cried today~.~ was away frm eng lesson at least 20 mins before my shenee came for me. she escorted me back eh.
had lunch with pao, chat a lot. felt rather relaxed after that.
im tat kind of no talk will die ppl. bo bian. and wth eng im typing. heck care! sry mdm hanim ^^V

2010-09-26T22:31:00.002+08:00

i wonder..
am i at fault of everything around?
is it tat it's best if one dont voice out opinions?
is it tat having no strong character is better?
coz of my character i lose many things.
perhaps it's best to be ignorant of things
they say ignorance is bliss.

2010-09-25T13:05:00.002+08:00

im stuck at home, due to status as a mysian.haiz.
rly dont feel lik living again.
i wanted to go on, but when i look around, it makes me depress.

first, im always stuck at home.
secondly, somehow i feel tat frens are just frens. sad to say tat though. i feel alone at times. and i would have to force myself to think positively, which often dont work.i dont rly feel that connection between me and them. i know they are great. but there's a link lost. no cure to it rite?
thirdly, i seriously dk wad am i gona do about my future. for me is die early better.
next, i think i've messed my life up.

lastly, im so lost w/o him. i know it's my choice, but i thought i can handle it.
you said tat u dont feel th difference between now and th past. yea, possible. i nvr rly did played a good role as a gf. .
you said that u are fine. i'll be great to hear tat
you said tat my attitude make our relationship liddat. yea. i agree? i attitude sux like hell i know. same things go to my frenship, everything bye bye. so nw i feel alone, serve me rite, is it nt?
you said tht give us sometime, maybe i will change. let nature take course. well, for me, i would try my veery best to forgt. forgt bout our past. i know i cant chnge.
once, u said tat u love me. but sad to say, i cant feel love much.
been crying a lot these days, kept asking myself do i still love you? if yes,what is the feeling of love. if no, why am i crying?
th last 2 weeks or so of our love journey, i rly dk what is love. im lost.
may i ask u, do u rly love me? how is your love like?

tell me, someone, what is so great bout life. i see nth in it
im rly tired. no matter how long i slept. i dont wanna wake up. coz when im awake, it's hard to fall asleep again.

missing him really a lot. things aint easy as i thought.everywhere there's memories of ours. so hard to let go.

2010-09-24T17:37:00.003+08:00

im rather dissapointed with my sister.
after all i cared for her, she dun give a damn to th family de larh!
maybe u think u r, but u dont.i dont know what u thinking either.
u kept secrets. tats all. and u dont care.
i washing my hands off.

fuck 230910! worse day ever. lose hope in love, friendship and kinship in one day!

2010-09-23T00:22:00.004+08:00

mooncake festival. first time w/o daddy ! sad. daddy is overseas for work. haiz. bt quite fun though. occupied my thought with candles and lantern

guess what's that platform. actually its th rubbishbin. bt th person nt happy with their work. then gona chnge it i guess. had great time with family.ate a lot, drank a lot.

see how short i am keke. arent th lanterns chio or wad. more catchy than me.

this is for daddy! can see what my sis and i arranged? love dad. sweet eh. haha

one of th lantern almost caught a fire!! gosh. lucky i saved it.

i did really had fun. bt there's something in my mind.

first, thanks jasmine for th encouragement, appreciated.

secondly, i seriously need consider my relationship with him.

idk. i cant feel love. i noe he's always nt expressive

bt changed. idk. perhaps im th one who changed.

i love th old you. you love th old me.

darling, i noe u're tired of my nonsense.

should i put a stop to it?perhaps i should stop your agony in life.

perhaps i asked too much. my fault. ty to my attitude.

since i cant change, i will leave you.

think it's th best for us.

230910, 0040, signing off.

bye.

things will never be th same, i assume.

i cant bring myself to say this. it hurts a lot to think of it. nw im flooded in tears. dk what to do or say. im nt ready for it. tats why its th best tat we go seperate ways.

nw everything i can think of it's you. th way u kiss, the way u hugged. its all th past now.

2010-09-18T10:53:00.006+08:00

im feeling dooowwwwnnn =(
dk who to talk to.
can no longer speak out what i feel
idk why and how i feel.
no words came into me when i try to say it out.
im tired of life. no longer see anythin in this world.

closing down blog soon ba. no point ranting here also.

feeling rly lonely..
idk why. i feel unwanted.
feeling so dead now.
even him cant calm me down now

2010-09-16T19:40:00.002+08:00

had been really dependent for quite some time.

now, idk wher to find strength to go on. i cant help but falling into despair

2010-09-12T14:50:00.004+08:00

had been thinking lots of stuff recently.
ytd night suffered from imsonia. tried to forgt stuff by chattin with ppl on msn. indeed, gt use, bt it dont last. even when studying im thinking of it. multi tasking -.-
chat till 4+ bt lay on bed cant sleep still

first thing
tis world's moral value decaying siao! generally boys nowadays wan nth more but sex. girls nowadays also... i know im in no position to comment all such thing. but rly sad case larh. boys wan horny girls then those horny girls lik being hong by them, what can i do. tats why. only way for world peace is when the world end. everyone die. no point living in such moral decay world anyway. if ths generation liddat liao, cant imagine th following generations. fuck tis world.

second thing
love, why love makes people suffer so much. remove my heart someone.i dont want it.
feeling really down. i know u will be reading tis, bt i have to say out
more than once i asked u question like tis, what makes u love me so long, and all those nonsense
i know u did lot more for me than i did for u. but arent u tired? coz i am.
i rmb long ago, since i knew your emotions i tried to make u happy, but i failed. then i gave up thinking. many things had been revolving around me. many questioned i asked mysself. should i or should i not give up tis relationship? i really dont know. there's a playful kid in me. i wanna play.really tired of maintaining everything. gt really tired of all these. u were never really happy. either udk what's happiness , or u dont feel so. i dont know why, i tried to find out, bt incapable to do so. now, i no longer know what is love. sad to say but yes. i cant answer myself, i love u or dont love u. it might be hurting, but i needa say out. happiness that cant be shared. sadness which cant be reached. there's lots of mysteries. love, what is it? i really dont know. i dont wanna love. im tired. i noe u are too. more than once i tried to ask u for break up, but u held me back. then everything repeat again. whats the point of it? love or not, i dont know. whenever i look in th future i see nth actually. i rly dk whats out future. in dream, yes, everything including u is everything i need. in reality. it's nt. there are much more other things. you know, recently, the way to let me think tat love is great is whenever im hallucinating, imagining everything to be tat perfect. the way u smiled, everything u do, the feeling when we hugged and kiss. its perfect. when i step bak to reality, everything is not. im nt afraid of reality. i hate it tats all.
the only thing that im happy is when im dreaming. illusioning

life is nth to me. nth fun bout life. nth fun bout everything.nth for me to remember..

everything= nothing

2010-09-08T21:36:00.003+08:00

idk is tis some kind of contagious sickness or what. jia, follow by sn then me.
alright here it goes.
head been thinking for quite some while

first, for TOFU, i needa apologies those who cared for me.
let's face th truth,
i can never change thus dont waste your energy, effort and saliva on me.
i have no idea why i feel so, why cant i change, i have no idea.
i cant put down what happened in th past,
its been lik few years, but i cant put it down.
perhaps u guys think tat its nth, bt for me is a great deal.
perhaps someone behind th com might think im seeking for attention
bt i dun care anymore, i have enough time healing my wounds.
im sick of tired to cry over and over again, over the same thing
everytime i told myself its th last time, it was never th last
really sry to those who really cared, i tried and failed.

secondly, for darling.
i know i gave u a big time trying to ease my ever changing emotions
i depended u a lot for everything
i hate waking up, cause if i dont, i can rely on u non stop.
my fault for nt understanding you,
my fault for giving u so much trouble.
sorry. but i cant help myself bt to dissapoint u again.

last bt not least, i know they will nt be seeing tis. so i kip it short and sweet.
i rly appreciate everything u guys did, papa, mama, u guys are great.
words cant summarise what i feel deep down. not forgting my 2 forever troublesome sis ^^

neverthless, i wont lock myself. i will smile at whoever wants me to.
im a open book. for u to read
bt understanding it? a big prob, aint it?
dont waste time trying to read me.it's nt worth it
im nt worth for u guys to care, im just a rubbish.
bye.

2010-09-07T00:42:00.003+08:00

am i thinking too much or what?i know im sensitive but...
feel tat im th odd one out no matter where i go.
bias. different treatment. im sick of it. why do i always have to earn things myself, while things will knock other's door?
i hate th feeling of being treated differently.

perhaps im off better dead.

hey someone! tell me are u happy after dying?

2010-09-05T23:23:00.003+08:00

feeling rather down now.
time had changed so do you and me.
felt that we were no longer the same.. no longer an item.
seems lik we're goin seperate ways.

perhaps im too hard to tolerate with.
perhaps i was wrong
perhaps i never did understand you..
perhaps everything were illusions..
bye. i have nth much to say. no words to describe...

2010-09-01T18:55:00.005+08:00

today is PAO's bday! other TOFU should be celebrating. but too bad, im grounded. cant go out still, im rather happy tdy. in th morning were rather mad with mama, coz never bring me out eat breakfast, somemore she bought it bak~.~ then i went bak to bed.sweet dreams till 12, woke up by mum. curled my hair afterwards.

spot th ring? HANDMADE BY XY COMPANY LEI!! keke.nth much to say.

to dear paolo:

hey toad! u're a great fren and i must let u noe! talk lots of nonsence with u, but u're still willing to entertain me. u're always cheerful, but i hope tat it come frm deep inside okay!! turning 1 year older already. u're always mature so dont turn more mature hor. if not will turn too old.

hope u enjoyed th day. bye!

complicated

2010-08-21T22:15:00.003+08:00

i rmb tat very day when i felt totally liike dying.. nth matters anymore.
atfer i get bak to live, i lost my feelings.
heart oh heart, answer me what is love. tell me just how do i feel.
is life really liddat?
i feel so complicated in th simple mood of mind

reality/ a big hoax? somebody had really left my life, if im nt wrong.
i'll burried u deep in my heart, the way i know u were...

memories

2010-08-11T16:23:00.015+08:00

this could be a rather long dedication post,
so dont be jealous how xin fu i feel^^V

im like super positive now lorh!

presenting lilin, although me and her is not as close as we were b4, but there're still much memories. i no need to keep her by my side to call her my best frined. as long as she's happy, im alrite already. wei da lei. LOl.. th memories cant be summarised in such little space. so let it be in our heart. lastly, i care for u.
boon and lili, another major role in my life. though me and boon gt some misunderstanding or wadever, bt it spiced up my life. so ya. cheers!! lili is an interesting one. she's a good listening ear. we wasnt rly very very close, but i'll nt forgt th time we spent esp during amaths lesson. buaahhahaha!

stay happy guys.

TF-jun peng

not rly close with him but do shares some memories. we dont talk much bt i knw tat he's a great person. stay happy!

TF-jie rui

she's th joker among BITCH. this name was origined from her. she's really a funny person to hang out with. though now we never rly chatted, bt did had great fun with her.

TF-weiting

knew her since sec 1. had rly some chat with her past few days. one thing i rmb very well is during th bball time. then we drifted after that. good luck for your N level!jia you!

TF-Chong Hao

i've always been calling wrong names, mixed up chong hao and jun hao. he's quite a funny guy, u'll noe after u noe him. sometime just that he's a little guai lan, but in a humorous way.

same as his so call" twin bro"

TF-zheng hua

zh u are weird!!!!! tats wad i think. u're so mysterious tat cant rly noe wad u're thinking etc.

amaths lesson with u and cz were fun keke. hope lady luck is with u during exams uhhh. u're clever just tat udk hw to use it nia. believe me!

TF-jia hui

went through lots of up and down with u. knowing you meant a lot to me. as times passed, u changed, or should i say becoming more and more mature. i believe tat after what u went through, u're more mature and think differently frm norm ppl. i knwo its tough to stay positive, staying real happy, bt try ro do it alrite. u noe how it feel to feel down. we aint tat close already bt u are my forever best friend.a llittle request frm me is for u to stay happy, smile for me, dear!

TF- JuN hAo

he's who i always mix up with chong hao. then they'll go. im not bla bla bla. idk larh! somehow feel tat u 2 looks similar LOl.from th start had been calling wrong. PS UH! think im used to mixing up u 2. well, didn rly get to know u, but all tofu are great tofu(s). so ya. few outing with u, feel tat u're approachable, and sometimes cute! u gt th cartoon face u noe!! NO OFFENCE!

TF-Joe

he's th guai lan bt funny wan. likes to lisiao ppl so much. dun make us repeat wad we did during kbox ytd uh!!! kekeke(evil laugh) u're always calling me "chicken" dk for wtf larh. bt well, i noe u're just fooling around. its great to have u around, serious.

frm left to right, chong ze,amanda, paolo, lester, en quan

TF-chong ze

is th super tall ad white guy in our group. u're always half asleep looking, but perhaps it suit u larh! arbo y so many girls lik u sia!! eeeeekssss.. no matter what, u're a great friend to have. i will rmb u forever FOR ALWAYS TAPPING PPL'S SHOULDER. =D

TF-amanda,

hey girl! dont forgt out deal to go out on double date uhh! AND DUN WEAR HEELS TOO HIGH HOR!! DUN FIGHT WITH ME. BLEH~~rly had great time with u during all those chingay rehersal and performance. looking foward to outing with u. last long ^^

TF-paolo.

u're th joker in our class. though u tis joker always needs to recharge during lessons. u're a great pal. bt dun always bottle up everything inside alrite? anything can talk to me. stay positive uh!!! though u're of different race bt we never c u as alien okay!! u are so NATURALISED =)

TF-lester.

need not say, u're a great person. rly hope tat god will answer to your wish, then u can be much more happier than the way u are now. thanks for comforting me and trying to cheer me up always. u have th positive force aroung you which makes ppl positive too. u're a great friend indeed. u're th one wh0 always help us to organise, who bond us togther. love ya~

TF-en quan.

he's another good guy who u'll feel safe whenever he's around. he loves to joke.u;re lik a big brother to me. keke. maybe becoz im short ~.~ tats why makes u big. OLD LIAO LARH U! also wish u tat you can get your love. stay happy always uhh bro. u're awesome ^^

TF- xueting

u're always th very quiet one. though we never rly chatttedd much, but u're a kindperson. good to have such a kind soul as a friend. i'll learn from u yea. keke

TF-audrey

first of all, last long. i know tats your best wish. keke. rly hope to have more outing with u uhh. never rly went out with u in home clothes b4.

TF-eevoon

presenting our bookworm. keke. she's hard working and a sensible girl. though she likes to skip sch LOl. but she'll do great, scoring with flying colours. bt girl, rmb, anything, we are here for you alrite. i beliebe everyone has their own prob. anything u wanna shout out loud, u can find me alrite. u wan everybody to noe i can help u shout out loud too ok?they dont call me la ba hua for nth. keke

TF-natalie

talking about u, we do share lots of memories do we. all th up and down. hmm. first of all, i would like to ask u to take more care on your appearance and clothing etc. dont waste your potential figure and looks during youth alrite. u can be gorgeous if u try to. best luck for your life ahead.

from th left,

TF- jasmine

hey sis, i noe we havent know each other very long. but i will always rmb tat time when u jio me out. tat was a very touching line to ask, even if its simple. if not for u, probably i gave up hope on friendship. u're another one who will always be there for us, bt u must be there for yourself also hor!! study hard alrite! dont waste life and effort. rly great to have u as my friend, chio bu!

TF-xiuling

she's th cutest among us, xl, do say out if u have any trouble alrite, dont bottle everything inside.

u're also th blur one,stay more alert alrite. jy with your studies also, dont kip c kpop boys until your eyeballs roll out hor.stay happy!!

last bt not least,

TF-shenee

hope u can get over all those nonsense stuff alrite, wish u to be happy, real happy. we'll always be there for you alrite!knock knock! let us in your world! u also another one, dun let kpop brainwash u too much uhh. u can do it for your studies. step by step. its better late than never.

ask me for help whereever i can alrite. i'll be there for you. kiss for u, muackss! Stay happy!

gosh.

so freaking tired naw.

dedication to ken chia, my lao gong

alright, i think its rh first time c tis pic. is your nose tat sharp de meh!! alrite. thanks for being by my side when i needed u. u tried your best to make me happy but somehow i think i did nth for u. no words can describe my love to you. grab my heart and check it out yourself alright. muacks, u're th best, that's why i love u.

its been 2.5 years+ le. darling, i love u.

finally, im like SOOOOOOOOOO fortunate to have my family with me.

i love them lots.

yes, parents always nag me, but i noe tat they care for me. nag more? keke

not forgetiing my lovely sis and grandma. love u guys.

u guys are wonderful gift from god to me, and i appreciate tat.

aku very xin fu

2010-08-07T17:21:00.004+08:00

super lazy to post.

life is goin rather smoothly.

few days ago went to dear's house.i noticed how much i love him larh!

for these few days there isnt any moment he got out of my head.

wnt for night study on thurs. but i actuallu just studied for 45 mins?! spent the rest of th time playing

had really interesting chat with few TOFU(s).shocking i should say keke. content should be kept top secrett. SHHH!!

till here then. of i go. changing blogskin and link soon i guess.bye

a lesson on friendship

2010-07-28T21:02:00.002+08:00

first of all, a big thanks to lester
thanks him for making my life happy.
thanks for accepting me the way i am
thanks for the concern
thanks for making me not feel odd one out. appreciated.
next, to my dear jia hui
we encountered a lot of up side downs throughout
thanks for remimnding me to be who am i, and not who i wan to be.
thanks for letting me to noe tat im wearing a mask, seriously i din knew.
had been thinking of wad u said. so ya

for th sake of those who care, i'll try my best to stay happy.

proper post when i get th time to go out

i hate myself

2010-07-25T22:53:00.003+08:00

i seriously feel lik dying so much.
stab me in th heart someone
my parents only noe hw to nag me
say about studies. ask me dun look at clothings, cause they make me negative
seriously, no point living
fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life.
dk who to talk to. dk who to turn to.
my mum? my dad? no way.
they only say i make them feel sad.
make them feel tat they are a failure

FML

2010-07-23T14:06:00.004+08:00

i cant stop myself thinking of death.

someone, tell me th meaning of life..

i cant stop myself remembering how ugly am i..

every minutes, seconds..

it just wont stop.

2010-07-13T21:03:00.001+08:00

life getting a bit dull. well.. just for a while more
feeel lik goin out someway or another.
notices how much i changed because of darling.
cut off many contacts with quite some guys. APPRECIATE THANKS!
looking foward to meet dear soon.
miss him =X

proper post till next time~

2010-07-08T22:11:00.002+08:00

once, i believed.
once we were good friends
once we cared for each other.
once..
but now. everything is different
perhaps im no longer th old me and you're no longer th you tat i knew
i gave chances for both of us. 1,2,3,4,5 i think
and u didn even said bye to me.
tats wad u taught me about friends, so be it
all th laughters and sadness, i bid goodbye

2010-07-05T20:53:00.002+08:00

like wtf lar!! nw then i know tmr gt a audition.
for god sake. im so dead! seriously dont feel like goin
super bad mood now larh!!
and there's nobody who can talk to. wtf. wtf wtf!

actually, im afraid

2010-07-05T01:45:00.006+08:00

talked to dear on phone. had a tiff i guess.
pressed down my emotions a lot
u see, thats the reason why i dont talk about it.
it always end up liddat.
living now may be important but foward looking is another thing. .

need somebody to talk to. one thing, lin isnt on9 -.-

3rd of every month, i love you

2010-07-05T00:47:00.006+08:00

went to bugis with dear on tat day. like finally? since quite some time since i've been there.
bought a belt and dress. first, dear let me waited for 15 mins +!! hw could he! was really bored then.watched eclipse ^^V. the content wasnt really nice. but another thing nice about movies are th people who are acting rite? keke. din get to meet jas. they were at yishun

make up din went smooth on tat day. dk why. why things always happen on th 3rd.after movie headed to bugis street walk walk c c shop shop. dear was getting really tired as time passes.i wasnt really tired. keke. coz its me who are doing all th shopping. he just tagged along.

one thing i learn, its better to go shopping with girls than boys.

walked about 3 hours or so. dear was complaining. he just dont wanna admit it -.-

somehow loosed temper eventually.luckily i learn to control my emotions better. if not it will be a volcano erruption

waiting my hair to grow long. was really tempted to do my extention tat day, but dear pulled me away ~.~ i really felt lik goin it u know!!he said tat he must save me.

headed for dinner afterwards. both of us was really getting hungry. such a pity tat cant have double date with lilin and her bf. really looking foward to a double date.

someway or another i hope tat me and lilin de relationship can move a step foward, i mean we werent like before anymore. maybe on th appearance is. but its the feeling tat counts. well.

let nature take course ba. cant be helped

really hope tat there isnt something called o levels. i seriously dont feel lik taking o's. anyway. more study is required in my future. i just kmow it. its the only way to the gateway of my freedom.

headed to aunt's house. we were lik so lucky larh! intended to shop at compass point but didn. my mum and aunt were there shopping-.- lucky us. really missed darling th moment we left each other. oh btw he forgt his neo print! had mac afterwards. yummy~

we've came through quite a rough way till now. i know,i know, my temper and etc is hard to bear with. but you did bear with it. lots of thing is ahead of us. hold my hand tight and let's face them together alrite. words cant express my feelings, well, they are not suppose to be. feelings should be felt and not written.lastly, thanks for being by my side. i love you. muacks.

currenlty feeling rather down, why? because im worried of you.

love you lar sis!

2010-07-01T18:10:00.006+08:00

presenting my beloved sis. i admit im being bias lar. >< but i tried to be fair to my youngest sis le hor!! today. she was so fortunate to be pull by me to make up.some ppl say we look totally not alike. bt when we was young my sis often miss us up. keke

first of all, i wanna say tat girl, cheer up rite! must get bak your confident. your jie here dun wan you to follow my foot step. everything is gona be alrite.

you're still young. looks might not be good. but when u grow up u'll know how to doll yourself.

its gona be okay. dont worry. your sis also super ugly when young de alrite?

u'll one day find somebody who knows how to appreciate you de. pray hard!

your jie be your guardian angle alrite?

dont care what others say.

i feel tat our features somehow do look similar? dont you guys think so? her face somehow is just th chubby version of me.

had quite fun time with sis. actually should have been studying since RARELY i reached home early.

well. waited my sis for 45mins. had bubbletea while waiting. her treat. who asked her to be late

once, somebody mistaken her as my elder sister, dont i look lik th elder one?!!

noticeed we took quite some pic w/o fringe. well. tis is th best way to show how similar we look?

i mean if you focused, u'll see tat we're quite similar in some ways

how i wish can protect her emotions. really dont wish her to follow my footstep. it seriously sux!

bt all i can do is be by her side. encourage her the way others and how i motivated myself.

my heart goes to her whenever is see her feeling down.

give me th power and wisdom to be her guardian angle please!

i fully know how it feels for you to be say ugly by others. i really do. u said tat xx in your class is more popular. i understand. told u secondary and primary is diff le. boys see looks de.

bt guess wad it doesn matter.

th person who deeply love you will say tat you're gorgeous even w.o maek up.

th person who deeply love you will say tat you looks cute even when u do something embarrasing

th person who deeply love you see all the good things in you and accept th way you are

love is nt about who getting hurt. love is about mutual sacrifise

u'll find your love eventually. th one who really love you.

of course. those who care for you will do th same thing. somebody like me

taught sis some of technique for taking photo. well. much more ppl out ther are better. bt there's not right or wrong rite?

you were cute when i teased you tdy.

you said tat u felt uncomfortable with those make up. .

bt everything went out well rite?

lastly, dont care about wad th guy said.

he's just a passerby

so what if you are ugly.

so what if you are far and short

so what if you are inferior.

he's no where better

at least you found your identity.

dont lose it

i know it's gona get tougher as days passes.i know how it feels to overcome it.

bt i also know tat its you tat can overcome. no others but you yourself. 3

i'll do my very part in trying to help you. so dont keep things for me alrite?i'll always be your listening ear, coz you are none others but my sis, and i love you

YOUR LAO JIE LOVE YOU. CAN YOU HEAR IT?

a big hug and a big kiss to you

u're th best sister alrite!

pacify me

2010-06-30T22:05:00.004+08:00

reality. yes or no?
fell into depression the very first day of school
despite how much effort i put in to change, well. leopard never did chnge it's spots?
there's lots of thing beyond my reach. i want them so badly
had been quarelling with parents for these few days.
im tired of all these fk nonsence.

life is at a mess.
i no longer know what i wan.
lost my identity along th way. who am i?i know no more.
jealousy. i believe.
why other things seems so perfect. i wan them. bt i cant.

it feels terrible when i came to my senses,when the world reveals it's ugliness.
i can no longer discipline my emotions
darling, i need you to pacify me to sleep, but it seems that im indulging in my own lala land again
please,beg u if i could, dont wake me up.

2010-06-27T22:11:00.004+08:00

last day of hols. actually still gt hmw never do. but well. most of it done le = satisfied.
sch is reopening. well. one word. sian -.-
bt i do miss frens.
a whole new term ahead. gona have a fresh start.. but... something happened and spoil my mood.

mum wanted to go for ebba concert. then i told her i wanna go out on 3rd. then fk. she told me dun liddat make her luan-.- my dad also dun allow. ask me to stop all these stuff. sian. always liddat.make my mood turn sour =(

puzzled

2010-06-25T15:42:00.003+08:00

feelling messy currently.

what to do? i have no idea should i attend all those auditions or not.

seriously. im in a mess now and there's nobody for me to ask. where? why? how? will i...?

so many things that i wanna find out.

somehow i dun wish to go into a jc just based on dancing

somehow im not confident at all..

somehow, someway or another. i need help~SOS!

~.~

2010-06-24T17:21:00.005+08:00

hols gona end soon. ppl are alredi crying on fb tat their hmw haven finish. yes. so am i. AHHH~~ still gt lots of things to do~~ stuck at home recently. but lucky mum brings me out during th morning

I seriously dun wan spent my last few hols at home man! but wad can i do. tio confined at home. sad case >< played with my make up. some of my mum's also. took some pics. i mean. quite some. and POOF~ my whole day gone. wasted at least 2 hours for pics larh! gosh. tat was meant to be my nap time.

sis was sleeping in th room. someway or another nicer pic gt her presence =.= was rly tired after playing. of coz lar. few hundred photo. suddenly rmb tat i haven eat lunch. hungry..

i seriously need longer hair. somehow suddenly feel lik dying hair lei. omg. i have been saying tat i wanna extent my hair till now haven do. well. dk lei. lack of cash recently. lend me credit card?

hao larh. just a short post. lastly, i miss my darling. long time never go out with him liaoz.talked on phone for 1 hour liddat ytd nite. mum was busy. if not she would have been shouting away to ask me stop. lucky~

support my blogshop @

http://acid-wardrobe.blogspot.com/

2010-06-22T00:56:00.004+08:00

somehow i miss my old hp. perhaps din rly get a hang to tis new hp.
also, i miss my previous hair larh!! bangs and slope! cant seem to cut bak th way lik it used to be (depressed)
thinking of having a hair cut again, bt dk how to cut it.

currently in a good mood. feel lik goin shopping at town at bugis lei. no time. stupid O's
lin goin bugis on friday. hmm. think i'll miss it =(

chalet

2010-06-18T18:25:00.007+08:00

2nd post for this. messed up th first one.
pictures speak louder than words. lazy to type much

group photo:

xl's idea to make up. they look rly nice in rl~

girls can go bang wall

our face are like monkey backside. went to wild wild wet early in th m9rning and ended up liddat.

damn stupid of me to bring sun block and forget to apply. GOSH~

EQ looked rly wad wad. right hand one left hand one. xin fu eh~

dont they looked lovely? sweet arent they? aww~

our bday boy

pix in rdm manner. super lazy to update liaoz

generally things went liddat

1st day: waited like siao for check in time. rented bikes and roller blade. something really ps happened there. shant elaborate

2nd day: wild wild wet + bbq

3rd say: sick.

its friday and i haven recover. wtf~

speechless

2010-06-07T16:36:00.005+08:00

really in a terrible mood.
somebody once said, dont think that only you have feelings, nt others. i shut my mouth, swear never to say anything personal to her
mum asked me not to show a face which would spoil family's mood.
she doesn know why. im nt intending to tell her neither, maybe not anyone.
cried over and over and i came to a conclusion
im gona mask everything behind me. i wont speak a word.
i should have accepted th fact and not believing tat wad i think its true.

he asked me to say out. bt idk hw to phrase it no more, coz they often ask me nt to speak

maybe..

2010-06-06T14:54:00.005+08:00

maybe i shouldn have been that stubborn?
maybe i shldn have been hoping for anything?
maybe i shldn have believed hope?
maybe i shldn have faith in hope, everything and anything in this world

maybe

im not suppose to be here in this world

stupid wardrobe

2010-06-05T10:28:00.003+08:00

i open my wardrobe to see what should i wear for the chalet thingy.
first thing i saw was that stupid stack of tees. angry die me -.-
i super anti ppl wearing shorts and tees all th time lar!!
mum sure love i wear tee all th time.always say wad too short too less fabric or wadever fk
FML LAR! why cant my parents just dont care what i wear!
really envy those who can wear those nice clothes..

2010-06-03T21:38:00.009+08:00

cant wait till extra lesson ends.
list of thing to do

manicure
pedicure
change in blog, but how?
shopping
upgrading make up skill?
learn hw to style my not artistic at all hair
outing with dear
preparation for chalet

on top of it there's hols homework and tons of revision

lastly not forgetting tdy is th 3rd,its our 2year 4 months anni

behind happiness is guilt

2010-06-01T22:40:00.004+08:00

thinking of doin a change to this blog. well. if i gt the time.
its hols bt still busy. tons of thing listed to be done
its gladening to see that my wish list has lots of crosses on it. hehe
jas and her family headed to mysia. will miss her ttm

met with dear. dear look exhausted. perhaps just recovered frm sickness ba. tc oh~
realise hw much dear means to me.
he never failed to make me happy. love u lots

still feel guilty somehow. haiz..

sick?

2010-05-31T22:49:00.001+08:00

i think im sick! not physically. mental illness. very serious one
feel lik slicing of those fat! LOL! well... im fat and i cant ttake it!
im short bt cant be help.
im ugly, but for th moment i dun rly care

FAT FAT GO AWAY. RUN FAT RUN~

2010-05-26T17:46:00.011+08:00

shenee sent me a vid on snsd smt smt de. about hw they kip slim
measured my measurement of myself. and here it goes

waist measurement
perfect measurement will be:
waist over hip = 0.7

waist: 23 inch
hip: 31.5 inch

mine= 0.7301
target waist : 22 inch

leg measurement
largest part of thighs: calves : ankle = 5:3:2

right leg(cm)
50 : 33.5 : 20

left leg(cm)
49: 33: 20

anybody know hw to slim down calves? OMG. is seems so impossible!! ahhh!

Xiuling ah!! i need your measurement babe! if im not mistaken you should have a nice waistline, somehow due to your flexibility!

2010-05-25T19:52:00.003+08:00

in a veryy messyyyy moodddddddd nw.
im tired of all those nonsence.
im tired of staying happy.
im not that strong to keep it up.
im sick of having to force myself to study.
im sick of nt being able to do what i want
and somebody once told me doing things tat u dun wanna do is life. if not how boring can life be?
im tired of being controlled.
im tired of going sch
im tired of everything and anything.
im tired of living as well.

make my life more meaningful ,thanks lots!

sometimes i wonder..

2010-05-24T18:50:00.008+08:00

its been bored recently. Mt o's is around th corner. feeling a little worried. something i learnt tdy: its hard to stay happy. lots to say but well..i can just say that my life now is not want i wanted

lots of things that i wanted, grant them for me?

2010-05-20T19:42:00.003+08:00

out of th sudden, i remember how ugly i am. Haiz.. when will this nonsence stop.

sentosa trip

2010-05-18T16:31:00.090+08:00

im so glad tat i finally posted th pics. not all. well. it will take forever to do tat! WTH!had great fun tat day. serious. long time didn had such fun. the sunny weather, gentle breeze, blue sea? LO. very salty!met at 9.30 actually. i was late. woke up late. my fault =X

head for our breakfast, girls.. well. love to drag! boys ate their breakfast. only CZ and ZR are eating i guess.

one thing, im so stupid i din bring extra clothing. coz im so sure tat im not going into th water. but. u'll see later.

dont u guys think that they have th " couple" look? thats what we think.

well. th boys played cards to kill time. obviously we were slow just that we are used to take our time, tasting th food while filling our stomach. spot it? an ang moh woman in her red bikini.there was a clearer pic of her bt i decided not to post. ^^V

intended to watch th show. but we were tooooooo slow. when me and shenee stepped in it ended. LOL.

went to th beach area. dk call wad name.we were excited to catch th water and th sand.

enquan they 3 started the "ball rolling" . xiuling were dragged to water. bt natalie hold on to her. in the end natalie won. POWER LARH SHE!! while we were playing half way gt a guy approached us, asked for jas and me de no. for jas, its normal. but i belive th boy eyes gt prob. i so fugly~~

alright. a rdm pic. after tis pic i decided tat i must must must must go on DIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAT IS ALL AROUND ME!! well.mainly i was "agitated" by a girl in bikini. her figure and looks damn nice okay!! if a girl say so boys will have their nose bleeding at no time! and I MEAN IT! LOVE HER BELLY PIERCING(dk wad tat piercing call)

group pic. thanks to th passerby x3
love these 2 pix. can say out first group pic. hahas

changed out and went to take dk wad bench thingy. frogt wad it call. i was screaming all th way larh! we two scary cats= jasmine + me sat together. she was afraid of goin down while i was afraid of goin up. she stayed calm though. unlike me -.-

jia hui and natalie.can u c nat? lol. mean no harm ^^there's always a camera when playing such stuff. they 2 were smiling away. nice pic i should say. unlike me. OMG

amanda, chong ze, shenee went on th thingy together,think amanda was a little afraid.

went downhill through a car or smt. similar to bumping car but u're not suppose to bump into each other.

DAMN SHHIOK DE LARHHHh!!ESP when th winding part. en quan was damn fast!

headed back after tat..

presenting our hands and feet.

nice view isnt it?definately a good place to relax and hang out with big group of frens

as usual, we simply love to drag!took some pics there too

awww. aint them sweet? jiahui and xiuling were always the sweet sweet kind. hehe

long time since jia piggy back me le.

. i noe i look ugly. esp in tis pic. well. but i must admit amanda is light. very light.! girl! how u maintain!teach mejoe, paolo, amanda

joe and me. should say it's th first time taking pic with him . hehe

last few pix b4 we left.

guess who is who?

TADA~ OUR SOLO PICS! GET SET, READY GO~

BASTARD:Lester

BASTARD:En Quan

BITCH: jia hui

BITCH: XIyuan

BASTARD: Paolo

BASTARD: Joe

BUTTOCK: Amanda

BASTARD: Chong Ze

Ze Ren

BUTTOCK:Jasmine

BITCH: Natalie

BITCH:Xiu Ling

BASTARD: Jun Hao

BASTARDS:Zheng Hua

BUTTOCK:Shenee

BASTARD:Jun Peng

boys group pic.

girls group pic + 2 ah gua.

together we ARE TOFU(temp name)

treat us nice and we will treat u nice.

we can be easy going but never mess up with us ^^

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dedication to lester:

thanks for brightening my life. trying to cheer me up, let me understand that looks isnt everything. letting me feel that friendship still do exist.esp tat day at sentosa and tt time under en quan's hse. since long i had such fun and feel th bonding of friendship. you helped me to feel more confident. thanks for everything.

Tofu is loved

2010-05-17T22:25:00.003+08:00

shall blog about th sentosa outing trip once i get th pics.
also, follow by a dedication to lester and of course tofu members.
first of all, thanks everyone for making this trip possible. we have lots to do and bonding stuff to bond us togther. let's have fun!

im extra. there's no place i can fit in

2010-05-15T01:13:00.002+08:00

do miracles happen?i dont know..
i really dun feel lik living on this world. i dun even wanna born.
9.5/10 days unhappy.

sister, elder one, always giving me a headache. cant she just listen. sensing rebellion-ess in her. it wont fade so quickly. it's just the begining
younger one, having prob with sch work. l;ik wth. show attitude everytime ask her go study and tuition

mum and dad, haiz..suan le ba.
feel so restricted.

friends, love, family = nothing. i must rmb that to protect myself. guess i shldn have chnaged, i should have remained th anti social me. find it hard to have to smile.

irreplaceable

2010-05-12T19:20:00.007+08:00

i love him. dun ever break us apart. im afraid of being alone.

lazy to invert it. right here it goes. rather moody for th past few days. thanks dear for cheering me up. love you suprise thingy. hahas. meet dear tdy. i know it's th day b4 bio paper~~ but well.. last minutes stuff never worked on me.

dear made a booklet. or wadever we call it, consisting some of out past memo. how sweet of him.

guess wads inside?

dear. u so creative larh! or am i too dull and too boxy -.-

movie tickets since th first time we watch. well. i lost the first movie ticket. so ya. noticed how seldom we watched movie. my fault. but i simply dun lik LOL!

love th photos larh!!

can see that dear put lots of effort in it. the deco thingy etc. boys are seldom good in these stuff. so ya...

hmm well. at least there's no reallt serious mistake in those few sentence. gooodyyyy.

thanks x 100 to u larh!! w/o u, i think...

but you know, now i have to think of a place to kip it from parents-.- they say the safest place is the most dangerous place. how about i put it on my mum's table? save?

k larh? somthing to be proud of malaysia. th twin tower. well. you know what? i found it hard to communicate with mysian somehow.like when we discuss, half way they say. walau, sg nth to do, mysia better. tried my very very best to keep quiet. i admit. sg is not all good. but since others cant go mysia, be more realistic can? perhaps there's nth for me to rmb bout tis country

anyway there's something something good and this is th first time i will praise mysia. being a less developed country( lesser than sg) it has its benefit. and what is that? CHEAP LARH! WTF. WENT TO CITY SQUARE SAW LOTS OF BOW BOW BOW BOW BOW BOWSSSSSSSSSSSS! DAMN CHEAP LARH OKAY! LOTS OF CHOICES. BOUGHT FAKE EYELASHY. HAD HARD TIME CONTROLLING MYSELF MAN!

a good thing to have a less develop country within busing distance or should i say swimming dist.. is that u can get cheap cheap stuff frm there. which girl wouldn wanna pamper herself by buying clothes, accessories etc @ a lower price?!!!it's like a shopping heaven: pretty clothes @ low rate~

dissapointed again. 1 2 3..

2010-05-10T13:08:00.003+08:00

speechless towards so called friends lar. dk wad shyt.

well. time doesnt really count. i must say though we are little bit lik stranger. but,
jia hui, is somehow a special friend. duno whether she feels so. but well. she's different in some way.

how can a person be so fat, ugly and SHORT! FML

life SUX

2010-05-09T00:08:00.003+08:00

realise that i always do th opp of ppl.
ppl study at night, while ppl study in th morning.
i see ppl study, i dun wan study.
ppl listen i dont.
yea. since sec 2 just to prove teacher wrong.

i will always remember hw i get hurt. remember how you treat your so called friends!

doing th wrong thing at the wrong timing. when i refuse means NO!

2010-05-05T20:36:00.002+08:00

first of all, my hair is lik a piece of shit and i dont know hw to cut it anymore.
secondly. dk why hair kip drop off. tio cancer ah -.-

hw unlucky can i be sia!

2010-05-04T19:08:00.007+08:00

FUCK!IDIOT ME. LADY LUCK DEFINATELY NT WITH ME.

first: quarrel early in the morning. first time cant fall asleep on journey to sch
second: stupid mt exam. first time slept during midyear -.-
third: came bak home to lunch then say dun have liao! ( came bak coz my mum ytd asked maid to cook more -.-, for everyone somemore)
forth: cooked noodles with egg and dumplingsx3, end up dad called and say dun cook. he bought something -.-
fifth:dk why contact lens made my eyes red. FUCK!
sixth: called dear and dear made me angryyyyyyyy!!
seventh: bought th screen protecttor. thanks shenee! but.....END UP NOW MY X6 LLIKE TIO SKIN CANCER SIA. DAMN UGLY. PEK CEK. HOW BLUR AND STUPID OF ME TO PUT TH WRONG THING THEN EVERYTHING IS DUSTY. STUPID DUST! THEN NW I NEEDA SAVE MY HP LAR. U C IT U'LL KNOW HW JIA LAT liao! I HATE IMPERFECTION!

SO WADS UP NEXT?
OH yeah! a spoilt headset -.-

i miss u, love u

2010-05-03T02:41:00.006+08:00

didn get chance to go out with dear. due to busy schedule. his and mine. well. missed th time being together.i really do.feeling bad for not being to pei him. always leaving him alone, i know th feeling of loneliness.i know u're having hard time now. just that u tried your very best in not feeling stress. it's heart aching to see u liddat u know! i really wished i could help u some way or another. but.. AIYA! IM USELESS -.- i cant do anythin.

have no choice but to c him in this state. suffer nw is better than suffering in th future. darlng i love u. many times i felt to ask u to give up. i dun wan see you liddat. but i pulled myself back. hang in there.u can do it. i'll be with you.

weird

2010-05-01T18:12:00.002+08:00

i've been eating like... more than a pig?
feel lik eating whenever i feel stress
think i just cant make it. had been over confident..

I HATE SCHOOL

I tried and failed.

im afraid of failing.

do you noe?

2010-04-29T18:33:00.004+08:00

This is the romper that lilin, lili and calvin gave me for my belated bday present. the pic doesn illustrate the chioness of it! REALLY VERY NICE LAR! LOVE TTM!!thanks ya guys!!

alright not i wanna act cute. this pic and th following and th following pic is for my dear JASMINE!! well. smt happened. i know if i ask you you will say nth de. but i know hw you feel. maybe much more lesser than u. but ya..

well. im not gona say those encouraging words. repeating myself always.just hope that if you need a listening ear or a person to chat, im always available for you. maybe i dont know you that well yet, but i'll try my best to create the best moment between us. dont forget. YOU STILL HAVE TOFU! i know you might feel that TOFU is not that united yet. but u'll see after mid year alrite?!! stay happy.

im know thT im a little crazy. but i did had hard time to find e angle ok!! but still...... hmm. im not that photogenic alright!! so ya. im just crazy to have fun nia!!

alright till here. hope i do well for tmr eng paper!! wish me luck. may lady luck bless us all.

contented?am i?

2010-04-27T23:04:00.003+08:00

lots of stuff happened recently.
but most of all finally i succeed in persuade darling go for private O man!! half way success!should have done tat long ago. sorry dear. my fault for not helping you. ><
asked xx a question which make my mind sot again lar! about tat girl de stuff again.
my past still haunts me can! cause i failed by 1 day to stay happy! URGHH!!

darling this is for euu!! to improve vocab lol! did it randomly lar!!LOL!!!

procastinate= delay
ubiquitous = common
controversy= arguement? eg. controversy of late
intrigues: stir curiousity of smt eg: music intrigues me.
grouses: complaint angrily

must remember hor. muacks. love u lar!

2010-04-25T15:30:00.001+08:00

IM FUCK FAT CAN?! feel lik vomitting everytime after i eat. wtf

2010-04-24T23:01:00.004+08:00

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK MY LIFE LAR. FUCK -.-
dk why feeling really complicated now. once i remembered hw bad i wanted something and how far it is from me....
it like volcano eruption in europe man!!

i cant get it.its time to let go.

2010-04-24T00:52:00.004+08:00

after much thoughts about how much i want bla bla bla. things like hanging out late, cigarette, learning sexy jazz etc. eventually i decided to put them to a halt. no matter how much i do, i try, i do good in my studies i will never get them. as time passes by it will be furthur from me. why torture myself with all those which i cant get while others are having fun while they can?

they said that after 13 days, wadever u do will be a habit. they say the way to be positive always is to habitual it. well. 3 2 1.. 3 more days to go. hmm. let's see how much emotions i can press down more.

FML

2010-04-21T19:49:00.004+08:00

eevoon tried to motivate me during amaths. but well. end up not any better. well. i noe she's trying hard to motivate me lar. butt.... im too negative larh! ps lar voon voon!

well. she asked me what i wanted. actually what i wanted is simple as ABC. simply i want to officially introduced darling to parents, going out openly, have the kind of night life that i want. well. after o level's, can i get them all? e answer would be NO. yea. its not possible. thus, they say that we can do wadever we want after o's, is that really true? i see nothing that i can get after o's.

FML! tats wad i can say. lots to say. but im trying hard to pull me back from being neg. so might as well i shuddup nw.

i only wanted..

2010-04-20T22:25:00.005+08:00

presenting th bow which shenee gave me. well. i love POLKA DOTS! MANY DOTS DOTS DOTS. but i admit it's hard for me to mixandmatch. hmm. dk why. my mind is full of nonsensical stuff currently.

thinking lots about BITCH, BASTARD, BUTTOCKS. wondering will it last bla bla bla. ppl are contributing not enough to last i should say. nt all but some. well. let nature take course. but i seriously hope that tis time th word friends dont fail me again. if not, i afraid im not tat strong to take anymore blows. thanks to jas tat i regain mt confidence with friends.memories kept revolving in my mind.i wonder.. friends, do they last? being really reluctant to study nowadays. my speed of learning and remembering aint that fast as last time. why? i would say it's an excuse. coz even i study i cant get what i wanted in the end right?

alright. i think th white bow suits th top. similar design. tis was one of th bday gift frm zr. well. im currenlty quite erm angry? not really. jus feel very what when c him.esp when he's flirting around. makes me feel ..... still i must thanks him for lending me his ears when i feel down.

nth much to say about. typical sch day. zhuang xian's bday tmr. hope that i wun feel left out? idk. it doesn bother me tat much.

darling, i miss you very much lar. miss you till im dying to see u you know. i want to spent time with you, only 2 of us. i miss th feeling of being doted and love, being seperated from the complicated world. just for th few moments will do. i miss th feeling of being in your arms. i really do.

I only wanted you to stayLinger and mean the words you said

I only wanted you to be..The one to get me through that nightI only wanted you to be there when I Opened up my eyes

puzzled

2010-04-18T18:16:00.012+08:00

alright. first i got a new hp ^^V. obviously can see it's from singtel. really cant get used to taking pics from her. let me call her.. err.. nvm -.-. end up pix take weird ttm. esp when it comes to inner cam. ugly lik wtf.

overdid the make up today. dk why. also dk hw it happened. its seems err dark.. i also found out that light make up is a no no for me. ugly lik wad only can!! there's something to be proud about!

hehe. finally i gt over th chio or not th thingy. somehw feel even i ugly i special in someways. i mean nobody is a clone of me ma. trying hard to maintain this kind of mentality. jiayou ba!!

this pix look werid i know. over edited de also. well. it's seems a little scary also -.- well. but for a moment i feel it's ART!!hahas!! and i must say that jie rui is so damn good in editing@!#! her pics is " ART"!
anyway waiting for fringe to grow long. maybe i wan chnage again. now de fringe totally..

nothing much recently. one thing that made me slowly regain my confidence in fren is the start of BITCH,BASTARDS & BANKRUPT. hope that such happiness can maintain. dont make me dissapointed again alright! lots of things are gona fall in place soon. proper post on BITCH,BASTARDS & BANKRUPT soon, i hope.

stupid o's and mid year is getting on my nerve ahh!!!! cant do many things.

recently kip having quarrels with dear. thanks to th fuking attitude of mine lar of course. but well, dear is so damn good to me that he bottled everything up. love u lar! muackss..missing you currently. thinking of you always.

Jasmin section

jasmine! you must see this uhh. thanks for the support that you gave me. somehow i feel that although you never help me in any big big thing la, but somehow your help is pure and sincere.

pondering

2010-04-14T19:59:00.004+08:00

eevoon : " thought you last time sec 2 and leh woon result close? how come now liddat?"
i was stunned by her words, which i had been thinking from sch all the way home
yea. sec 2. yes. i remembered that my average was th same as him, as well as whole level postition. why am i becoming worse. i mean sec2 is my most rebelious period. butt......

my answer:" i wanted to prove that by doing things my way, i can success too. "

my motivation came from a strong negative force but pulling back my emotions with th help of my dear and frens. now. no more can i control my emotions.

2010-04-12T23:04:00.003+08:00

shall blog when i got th time to do so.

mid yr around th corner. jiayou uhh guys!!

let's run the last lap together. dont leave anybody out kays?CHIONG AH!!!

lots of thoughts at th moment. both positive and negative.

it would be a whole chunk of words here. hmm.

should i jot it down and type out next time?dk lar~ i cfm forget de

2010-04-10T18:18:00.003+08:00

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!!

why cant i be like those who looks nice even w/o mae up?
had been telling myself that looks does not mean everything and i must cherish wad i have now, and not kip ranting+complaining about what i dun have.
i dont said it out, but it does not mean that i dont care anymore.
yes, i thought i dont. but at times, my past still do haunts me. simply, i cant get over it.
i have nobody to blame but th fking brain of mine. I NEED A BREAK!

he is th one that is always there for me.

2010-04-04T19:16:00.008+08:00

went out with dear on 2nd. didn really wanted to go out but must thanks dear to make th outing posibble for me. was really tired and did not want to go out. threw tantrum at dear(like always) but he was always so good and did not mind it at all. cabbed to somerset 313 to take a look.dear's treat see that not! lilin! i went already! first, walked into f21. well, cant really see the chio ness of it lar. th areana was a bit squarish. 3 stores tall, i think. did went into zara. i admit, the clothes there CHIO!!i like!!x3. of course the price damn chio also. had a glance of of new look but did not really went in. cotton on there= small and limited. bought a tank top and a bareback top at rdm shop. headed to bugis then.

took our neo print there. i always wanted that but did not really get a chance. dear cfm that it was at 2nd floor, if not he xxxxxxx . sensored. under 18 not allowed. HA!in th end it was on the 3rd floor if i did not remembered it wrong. the Q was rather long. th shop was crowded. dear decided to walk around before taking neo prints. bought a top for dear. ha!finally his 09 bday present! did not know what to get for him. must apologise for my indecisiveness and th procastination. lousy gf eh me =(

neo prints taken was not very bad. hmm. well. th first pic was good but it was out of centre!! urghh~!!HATE IT!some of th pics were funny. took 2 pics b4 we actually get into th mood. well. dear look cute in one of th pics. lazy to post it up. wanted to take neo again, but i dun wanna repeat my mistake: spending too much on neo prints. on a tight budget recently ><

we 2 agreed that th lighting there was not bad. took a few reflection pics in the shop. headed to bugis street after that. quite sometime since i last went there. though nothing much was new but it was an eye open for me to notice something! since when got a 2 in 1 eyeliner and glue!!! was quite amazed when the salesgirl introduced me the glue while i was busily deciding which fake eyelashy should i buy. gave a pass to th 2in1 thingy. my eyelash glue was more than enough to pass through my mundane life now ok!! buy more waste $ nia!!

dear de fringe finally grew longer le wor!! haha. always mocked at him for having a short fringe. i know i am bad. but who ask dear to have no respones to my teasing. kept repeating it before he had some respones. had wanted to buy some clothes at bugis street. few of them caught my attention. well, too long did not visited there. so even those clothes are typically worn, i still wanna get few pieces of them. is the kind of. erm u got i must have also de feeling. well. hmm...

walked to iluma after that.there was an exhibition there which attracted much of dear de attraction. not much people there. walked from the 1st floor to xx floor and went to th ground floor to take th pics. however, i did not get the interesting parts of those figures. until now, i dun seem to be able to see th beauty of it.

3rd of april 2010, our 2years2 month anniversary. was at melaka on that day. didn talked much to dear also. but i must say that dear, u are th best. i love you.

dedication to Mr. ken:

thanks for being by my side. guilding me to th correct path.esp during sec 2 period. ppl might think that it's you whom influence me. but we cant force other to think th way that we want right?as long as we know th truth, it's much more than enough. in th past 2 years+ you taught me what should i do , and what shouldn i do.you helped me in getting back to the right path. you know, many did not know that you did that much. other than close frens, others do think you are a bad influence. sometime i wish to shout out the fact that if it's isnt for you, there wouldn be th me now. well. im not saying that i am a very good person, but at least im not bad. you always forbid me not to join 0000, threaten me if u could, just to get my mind off those nonsensical stuff.

you tried everything u can to get me back th correct path. you were always there by my side, ready to confort me when i feel down. ready to cheer my moody day up. you were there for me, giving me your support, allowing me to pour every bit of my emotions to you. i admit i was bad for scolding at you when i was in a bad mood. still, i must thank you for all you did. tolerating my attitude. i know my attitude sux bad time k!!

last but not least, i love you and i miss you much.

well. everybody has gone through rebellious stage b4. so dont say that i am a bad person w/o really understanding th situation. im confident that it's not totally my influence for anything. get th facts right. so you can jolly well fuck off!dun come bark here w/o understanding the truth behind th "show".

-XiaoMiracle

2010-03-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

lots of emotions in my mind today.
let's start on th PPD rehersal. well. it was damN FANTASTIC MAN!
get to walk up th stage X4! WHILE ppl get only one or 2 chances!!SHIOK?
curious to noe why?
things started liddat.

1st time: i was rather cheerful and happy. then th person shaking hand i noe him. well. i fooled around. he ask me say ty mdn. coz he is a guy, so i say ty sir. HA! THEN the teacher in charge asked me to do again, seriously(which made me buey song of course). my respones is, walau! i happy happy do gt wrong meh.

2nd time: th cher standard beside th guy which wer suppose to walk up, shake hand and say ty. i loudly said, THANKS Mdm! then she said :"NO! do it properly! again" fk her up side down man!i was like. wtf? u wher not happy leh. i said mdm

walked bak and i feel so lik walking down stage man!

3rd time: i dun rly rmb but i think it's wrong positioning. or i bowed incorrectly. she asked me to do again!

4th time: yea. walk and walk. shake hand. this time i said it in a very cute and sweet way. she said. good. very good. i repeated my sound to others, all have th same respones: WTF! SO ER XIN MAN!. yea, i noe it. but the teacher seems to like it so much. then i never c th big cross on th floor. and i walk to th incorrect position and bowed. well. she grab me on my hand and pulled me a little. i was like.hmm. wad i did wrong now. k this time, my fault.

but, she SUX! so bad of her to kip pinning on me!

oh.rmbered shenee said i walk like ah lian. but I NOT WAN ACT LIAN LAR ALRIGHT. the way i walk i like to drag my feet and swing my hands when i am cheerful. i walk straight when i not happy. with my head sticking on the floor. so ya. i will practice how to walk!! TAKE NOTE!! NOT I WAN STEP LIAN LAR!!!!urghh!!! hate the feeling of being misunderstood.~~

dun like that teacher lar! past year i get th award during rehersal oso play play liddat. so serious for wad sia. quite embarrassing. think th cher somehow pick on me. due to fiesta issue. sh kip at there shout the center girl wad u doing. what are u doing! i mean she PA JIAO or wad. cant c no teacher in charge to c ah! somemore is lik th 1st time we formally go on that stage! wad does she expect. in the end, i shouted at her.

well. this post is suppose to be a happy one. a good thing, i suddenly become more open minded. such lengthy post even i dont feel like reading. well. in general, i must thanks my mum for giving me support. talked to my mum on th way back home. which sort of like enlighten me. true, i have ppl who care for me around. lik dear dear and a few frens and most importantly my family. well.
i needa change. my attitude sux hard time man! so i must change.

lastly, sometime the way my attitude, esp to gl de teacher. coz i refuse to do the way they want me to. though it's childish i know, but i jus simply refuse to follow. i mean like REFUSE! u noe! REFUSE TO!!esp th teacher in charge of that fk ppd ceremony!!

neverthless, i will try to change my fking attitude.

fcss fiesta: amanda+xy

2010-03-31T22:38:00.000+08:00

well. this should be the odd pics out with jas in it. well. im still waiting for pics. seems like ppl are taking forever to post it up! JIE RUI AH JIE RUI!FAST FAST FAST!!

alright. still the same thing, my face is somewhat buang in the pic on that day. amanda was talking on phone i think?well. did had some fun talking to her. she is always entertaining, esp when it come to her facial esp.

the lights around the mirror were gorgeous. however, it gives out lots of heat. we banned it to be on!! so damn hot meh. RADIATION RADIATION!POWERFUL RADIATION! it heat up th surrounding in lik 10 secs+? wth?!!! nice oso no use. thus = lousy lighting pics!were listening music on her hp and it kept auto restart. more serious than my hp. hp disease -.-

i told her maybe we can look more lovey dovey and intimate. but it ended up looking funny? i think. well. heck care. with th hair i dk how to pose actually.

well. lastly, i wanna thank her to lend me your ears and let me nag. bonds formed during chingay and i hope it dont fade away. may god bless us to have a smooth friendship.rly treasured the times we were togther, esp during the chingay days.chatted lots about th past things and events. cried and played and enjoyed. i must say that chingay rly brought us closer to each other. well, u are indeed a good friend. so be more confident hor miss!! love ya x3

fuchun fiesta 2010 -xy, ll

2010-03-28T10:36:00.000+08:00

one word to describe: FUN!
had great time with frens ytd. though something made my mood go down down down. but overall it's still fine. i look so damn ugly and weird in th pics. i noe i noe. 1st of all. lilin. well. she told me something which should not be frm her mouth. she said: " this is th last time that we can be together liddat liaoz." Indeed, HAizzz. pretty sad. well. post full of pics. pics speaks louder than words, dont they?

cz said thios pic looks funny. coz u c we are wearing traditional clothes pointing middle finger. LOL! lili say looks auntie!

continue with th next part till i get all the pics. cya blog

puzzled

2010-03-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

just a short post. gona be rather bussy. HAIZ!!!fuchun fiesta is around the corner and i dun seems to be dancing up to my standard man! geez!! wad to do!!URGHH SAVE ME LAR! cant get th feeling of the dance well. lik WTF only. well. cant sleep well nowadays. sad case. think not blogging till another proper post le ba. cya guys

2010-03-14T15:54:00.000+08:00

went out with dear on 13th. (my fav 13)
things did not really went out smooth. took quite some time for me to do make up. worse stil, not really nice -.- dk wad happened.

future more, pic oso not nice. wtf! next time i better use my phone. coz inner cam is very important de! used darling's phone thought better but.. AHEM!
things had been revolving round 13. im sensitive towards 13 ok -.- due to some reason. met darling.good of him to wake up late!long never meet le. since he went to ns even worse. (forced to edit.anyway edit liao still nt nice -.- lighting prob! bear with it tyvm). did nth much actually.just spent some time togther at his house. talked and huged. long time never had quiet time together.

well, things din rly went well also. had a tiff during our conversation. remained silent for lik 5 mins or so b4 dear finally initiated to talk to me, trying to make me happy. as a matter of fact im nt really angy, just feel blank out of th sudden. had been thinking quite a lot of things recently .

had our breakfast+lunch at mac. soon i'll be fat~! had been eating fast food recently. totally ignored my own slimming programme! well. actually wanted to go to bugis but im too lazy to do so. had been rather tired recently.

cabbed back after meal. of course as u can c th pics are taken in th taxi. dear had always been grumbling tat we took little till pathatic pics. so ya. tried to take it. but poor time management of mine leaded to such lousy pics.! eeks. TOTALLY HATE IT! will take more next time. proper ones.

due to dk wad reason i sux totally in pic. perhaps too long never take pics liddat le. it's always me in th pic only when i took pics lately. so ya. have to find bak e "feeling". nth much. off i go.

lastly, late congrats to jas~! last long~ but dun u dare forgetting me hor!!

he's th reason for me to bottle up everything emotion, pressing it down. dun take him away.

-XiaoMiracle.

2010-03-11T22:00:00.001+08:00

神秘的朋友: how kind of u uh.. good lar. u achieved your goal.u make natalie look so like everything is good. yea im lousy. happy? u know.

7. POINT SEVEN SMDPY: i din get to type fnish th last time. u make somebody feel good but guess wad. u hurt another person which is th owner of this blog. u wont know hw it feels to get hurt over and over again. by the reason of the same person.u dont. dun act therer as u noe me so well. or know her damn fk well. coz u noe wad. she doesn need your attention to well. she does not. she is well of w/o u bothering me. good lar. u can go on with your life and i have th go through such tough life, unable to get over. u know what? round of aplause for u cans? happy? u reached your goal. i was lik so idiotic to think that my best friends are out there for me alway. happy now? we drifted. good isnt it? but guess what? perhpas u created another goal for me. to win natalie, goin better jc? ha. dont u think its funny?

how pathetic of me. how pathetic my life can be. haha. sounds funny isnt it? what i did wrong. tell me.. i know im ugly im a bad girl. im not all good but im aint all bad.

should i?

2010-03-10T20:21:00.000+08:00

have been thinking about her for quite sometime. i somehow felt i interfered too much of her life. smt simply feel lik helping her? coz stand c-ing her liddat get it? but i think i'll let go,kind of washing my hands off. well.jus hope th best for her. not best but a better.th person is...

who am I?

2010-03-09T20:34:00.000+08:00

someone once told me. "dont u think that other are just perfect looking?" since then i have been pondering. obviously, im much influenced by her. nevertheless i try nt to talk to her about such stuff.afraid to hurt her.

you see, th reason i cant get over are as follow

i rmb well when i was sec 1, many ppl tend to treat me transparently. when i go out with lik erm natalie(i dun wish to hide) at tat time, she is always lik an attraction more than i do. ( i know i bhb lar! so ugly still wan ppl notice) such situation continued about few months or so.guys tend to ask number frm her this and all tat. perhaps it's jealousy i felt. but th feeling is terrible, if there is anyone outthere feeling th same as me, she will understand.
sec2: 14.2.08-valentime day. although i was indulge in my love boat, it reminds of guys which tried to jio her. presents, attention this and that. it do hurt ok? until i with my dear, i never get a proper valentine present. and my friend beside me are getting all th attention. going out with her i feel tat i such a nuisance, xia suay-ing myself only. th feeling of being neglected stays with me till now. i hate it, serious. ppl around me would know how would i respones. also, the person who liked natalie and whom she like seemingly detest me in a way that, he c me his face would look so erm.. buey song liddat. i dun even noe what i did to deserve such different treatment.
then comes in bball. natalie and i once loved bball, i still do, but always dun gt a chance. shant elaborate about tat.i wanted to play well, which leaded to another agony in my life. i remember that during sec 1 or so i joined bball, however being hated by my seniors, all of them i should say. they say i attitude them. but i really dun have th intention, just that i dun smile as much as others do. passion wanting to play well leaded to complication. often i asked myself, am i wrong? I've changed after that, no longer the me.
xiuling came into a picture. i know im fucking ugly can? so yea. the situation repeated, with her having all the attention. it was like x2 on how i felt when i with natalie. i should say among 3 of them im th most buang kays? i know it very well that im just grasses beside th roads. never can a grass bloom into flower. (*i know it's not their fault, but the feeling is deep rooted inside my heart. i tried to accept, and failed*)
another bball incident is when me and natalie played with dong yue fren. also, one of them jio her or smt. due to hp prob, them often contact me to ask us out. however th true reason: asked me out so that natalie would come out also. is there anybody in th world who understand my feeling at that moment. the feeling of being used, just to help others to achieve their goals? fuck man?!
reccently, i truely felt the different treatment when one is prettier. during out community gathering, a guy asked for ym number. of course. i did my make up on my ugly face. it's like a mask ok. a mask of confident.i remember well. w/o make up, ppl treat me lik shyt liddat.with make up, i gained that pathetic little attention of boys. yea. pathetic isnt it? everybody wish to be somebody, amanda said. i agreed. nobody wants to be treated as nobody. but too bad, tis is how th world works.

well. such short paragraph cant summarise everything,it's a form of releasing my emotions in me. often, i do not know hwo should i talk to. if there is anybody who have th same feeling as me, u would know how i felt. but.. is there anybody in this world that...
nevertheless. life must go on. this post is lengthy i should say, perhpas posting more pics next time ba. till then. i know i am boring -.-

2010-03-08T20:05:00.000+08:00

first of all, I MISS MY FRINGE MAN!!SIANZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!
I NONONO LIKE BANGS ANYMORE! I WAN MY SLOPE BACK!

secondly,IM HAVING SERIOUS MOODSWING ABOUT MANY STUFF. CANT FIND A PERSON WITH SAME THINKING TO TALK TO!fk?

thridly, i feel I SOSOSOSOS UGLY. ONLY CAN LIVE BEHIND MAKE UP!FACE ON CAM OSO LIK WAD JIAO BIN LIDDAT

FORTHLY, i tHINk i greeeew fatter! esp legs. maybe due to ahem prob.

finally, I AM THINKING.. WONDERING..ABOUT.. WAD XX TOLD ME TDY.

TATS ALL!
dun stay tune -.-

holding everythin i can tight. i no longer dream for anything else

2010-03-06T03:52:00.000+08:00

tiring!!study study study and still study.i've earn myself nth more than panda eyes!!
nth much to upload recently. same old boring life. and i dun rly lik my hair. esp fringe. dk why i told th person cut liddat then end up lidthat! hope it faster long lar!!!urghhh!!

had class photo taken tdy. it was FUN!the fun-nest i had in all my life.but i noe this time th photo I sure SUX!wasn rly prepared when th person took th pics. after photo taking we had to stay in th hall. few of us gathered together, played heartattck and true or dare. actually true or dare nt rly TAT fun. just that we like to who th bottles turn to nia! i was shouting away like mad. (like always)

long time never felt so happy le, though simple stuff like tat can make me feel so.

i've been searching all over my wadrobe to try to find a top to go with th skirt. wadrobe was damn messy. threw everything out b4 i found what was in my mind.re organised my wadrobe.

LL SICKNESS: buying clothes.somehw feel lik buying clothes also. well. nvm.

i wonder why am i so short!LEARNING HARD TO CHERISH WAD I GOT, INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING!

Im gona rot at home somehow. but HAIZ.!! OLVL LEH!! sux BIG TIME! I NEED LOTS OF REST! judging frm my panda eyes. its l.i.k.e. d.a.m.n s.e.r.i.o.u.s. asked ll to help me buy e garnier or what de. hope it would help. it's worth a try.

i really really need my checks to be more chubby!! well. anyway, its 4 o clock and im still having tons of hmw infnt of me. O.m.G. Missing dear dear really badly. suddenly felt that he very " wei da", tolerating my attitude. neverthelss, i felt that we drifted. things aint the same anymore. i keep telling me that there's nth. everything is fine. perhaps due to stupid fking tight schedule we seldom meet ba.then become lik what liddat.

din get a chance to tell baby happy 2year1 month ani. on th actual day we 2 persisted tat th other party say it first. just b4 12 i was waiting for your msg. but u din. nevermind.dear. missing u lots and lots nw. u should be sleeping by nw. muacks, i love you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

there's somebody in my mind tat kips bugging me. i wun say who is he. however, please be more humble can? clever so what? yea, u can say i no life, i jealous, i lousy or wadever. no matter what u say i dun rly care. just please shuddup and dun everytime thinks that u are always right, always superior than others.tell u what, such things never stay long!

-XiaoMiracle-
i miss him

2010-02-09T20:32:00.000+08:00

Tis is jasmine up there. ha! she should be shock to see me blog about her ba. well. dk will she see it or not oso. well. she sort of turn my life more meaningful, by asking something.

jus a simple sentence which make me able to look at the bright side. she asked me whether wanna go out on friday. well. idk yet, bt she makes me feel that i am noticable. well. no time to blog! c hw it goes ba~!THANKS YA~ JAS

its over

2010-02-08T23:22:00.001+08:00

much things happened today. i told myself to be happy but smt seems to dissapoint me much.
then i realise something. we will never be th same as last time. after short chatting with her.
she changed. and i know deep down. she is not the her that i used to know her. she changed.
but there's nth i can do much. well short post. just to remind me about that.

i will forgt those that i cant get it. esp bball. it's like.. i wasnt fated to play bball? well. at st senior hated me? then bla bla bla. i will forget everything of it.

-XiaoMiracle loves dreaming

when she dreams, everything seems so perfect.

life is not all about that

2010-02-07T02:15:00.000+08:00

Chingay rehersal today was, F-U-N!.
and our Amanda missed it! HA!
felt rather happy today.too bad no pics. simply to busy to take one.
shant elaborate much. gona chiong hmw liaoz.
rarely i felt that little happiness in life. love it.
hope to have more fun in upcoming days.
the only thing i buey tahan is that!! EEEEEE! NY performance is just at th corner and i cant seem to spin th thing well. O-M-G!

-XiaoMiracle misses him

do you noe that?

2010-02-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

thought today should be a happy day? 2yr wif dear le.
but smt seems to bother me much.
nobody to talk to also.
many things running in my mind.
guess im gona be mad

mood swing-ing

2010-02-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

mood swing till very jialat. worse than usual
found out that many things is jus me one sided thinking
others dont think so.
it's quite sad that after all these days, once i thought i found a fren who is similar to me. but end up. haizz.. nvm.
thank god i got my dear pei me.
guess life is rather fair? not much frens but a good darling who dote and me and love me.
lots to say. but have to sleep.
perhaps it's better that i dont talk.
after what happened today.
isit that my life i must be treated transparent?for th good of all i assume. idk and idc.
stressed -.-

-XiaoMiracle

2010-01-21T19:06:00.000+08:00

strange things are happening recently. toilet and then this.. eeks!amanda and jas told me about the toilet thingy. kinda freak me out somehow. well. can u see? the water comes out on it's own! if we link it to.... eee!! weel. but this technical prob lar! TH MAN REPAIR AND STILL LIDDAT!how?

k. dk is angle do prob or wad. y i look so small in size. well. nvm. many thoughts recently. th most recent problem would be th upcoming bday party.but idk should i go or nt. well. firstly i scare i get " hurt" again. then secondly me and classmate th bonding nt strong. but of course. tis is our last year together le. well. should have fun?dk

really stressed about th o level thingy? being a good girl is so hard. gave up all those tat i wanted. haiz. shant rant about it? it's still th same anyway.

to be serious, out of th sudden i miss th friendship we shared last time, for eg with lilin and BITCH. nevertheless, such frienship is that fragile that.. sometimes i needa force myself to remember those bad stuff, just to protect myself. anger, frustration, dissapoitment. i dont wish to get involved once again. Still, i miss those days? anybody know that?

-XiaoMiracle

2010-01-12T18:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder what's life all about.
kinda stressed out by studies. life has become a little ahem hard.
well. idk. simply feeling down. still feeling lonely at moments. mood swing lar!
kinda feel lik closing down blog. since nt much friends are blogging, blog for ghost to c meh. idk lar!
forcing myself to start studying. lots of homework to do. haiz.

-XiaoMiracle

happiness and feeling of being sorry.understand? anyone?

2010-01-10T20:10:00.000+08:00

shopping day with mum today. bought quite some stuff. spent a lot -.-overall it was rtaher happy.

had my eyebrow trimmed today. th person was lik wad lor.dk is my porb or what. previously at other place i felt nth. but she plucked lik wahse! omg i gonna cry that kind of feeling. damn pain lor! somemore say me de skin sensitive and no good. bt then other place th person said my completion rather good lor! aiya cant blame. they're doin their job in promoting.

did a slight make up today. mum asked my not to put too thick. well. applied fake eyelashy and eyeliner nia lor!nth much actually. spent the whole morning till 4 then reach home. rather tiring. took some pics. uploadedfew nia! more to come. but it's too many liaoz -.- oops?

i was wondering will i ever clip up my fringe when i go out? hmm.. not very sure leh. took some pic fringe-less and though it isn very bad at all leh. well. better than i have expected it should be.

how to decide wether ok or not w/o looking at th camera shy neh! so there it is. not very direct bt at least better than previous one right?

feel lik rebonding and extent-ing hair leh. hair taking so long to grow! i want my hair to be thicker also lar! regret i cut thinner! omg!!

well. another stressing week up ahead. but will anybody know? being in class is lik wtf lik tat. sometimes seriously hate my class. dk why. but i just do. for what happened during bonding day. well. no comments le. serious. in th end. im alone. i know it. i just do. as i said. stay strong!
tags replies
-XiaoPrince-: u gt so many ppl blog to read. dun say no blog to read.
-XiaoM: YOUR HEAD LOR! wher gt many. little till~~ im anti social dont forgt. lol.

amanda: TAGGGGGGGGGGGG
-XiaoM:THANKS for th tag. finally get it right le uhh.

KRISTIN: Hey hey, relink me
-XiaoM-: relinking soon.lazy currently

XiangJun: Thanks ! <3.Stay pretty ;D
-XiaoM-: u too.

♥Fiona{廷}: hahaz ok ..
-XiaoM: hmm

Jasmin: wah, xiyuan. relaxrelax! Chill~~ <: he jealous us la!
-XiaoM: LOL. hate this kind of spammer lor. simply dont like. since he/she so detest e2 girls still c their blog. dont scare eyes blind ah. LOL. kk. u dont be affected much oso hor. stay pretty!JY!

-XiaoMiracle

i wanted it so much.

2010-01-10T20:03:00.000+08:00

feeling rather down these few days. quarrelled much with darling. well. idk lar! mood swing till~~ hmm. feeling rather stress at th moment. so many things to do with so little time. incomplete hmw and unfinished last year's revision. really cant stand it. sec 4 life like wtf! rather depress that i dk how to do my amaths questions. make me really boiling hot! i mean it.

i close my eyes and think of him. wishing him to tug my into bed. kissing me on th forehead. and accompany me through the night. long had i dreamt. but it never happen. tears flowed when i open my eyes and i know that it's not true.

-XiaoMiracle

im alone, i must be strong

2010-01-09T00:21:00.000+08:00

PS: pictures resolution damn lousy. and lighting damn bad. bo bian. i lazy stand up to go brighter place!

bad day today tdy -.- performance was not really well. so = sec1 orientation is a mess for us lar! wth!well. thats not th main point that spoilt my mood for th day.
fistly class bonding day!and then. fine i was left alone actually. well. simply seems lik im not welcome. k fine. slipped out of class and to the toilet. call darling and chat for a while b4 slipping back to class again. bad time bad time! shall skip other nonsence.our class had pizza but of course, im not in th mood to eat.

then in the end. lilin gave me a rose? was like errr.. where did u get it from. after some time she told me it's from CO room. k i was like. alright. dotz. well. she said gt 3 more on my table. i was lik WALAU EH. tat kind of reaction lor. from th picture below, i just noticed that my eyes eems a little purplish and blue-ish. is me or what. WTF! kua tio gui isit! hw come such colour de -.-

saw Mr Foo, GP. really rmb th timing.guess wad he said. he said i look really short in th long korean dress. and told me not to go to korea! EEEE!! HATE IT! I KNOW IM SHORT RIGHTS. but i know he is joking around. he do cares i supposedont really rmb th timing. went to bbt shop. saw xxx de bf i suppose. and saw a jh de friend. he passed by i called his name and he turned back wor!! cua tio lor!then actually he noe th other 2 boy frm fcs de. and asked them who called me. damn ps lor! xl at ther act talking on phone. and of course. we did disturb her much.

rushed back home and then prepared for dance lesson. well. kindda lik hurt my knee -.- damn suay. at 1st i was like wah "tuo jiu" le ah! then i sya not possible, if not will pain to death lol. till now my knee still doesnt feel really perfectly well. eeks. scare ltr tmr dk wad happen! so it's a bad day.

to summaries today thoughts and feeling. i feel rather sad. dissapointed at first. but during th cca thingy they did cheer me up. well. but stilli kindda lost hope in friendship once again. i know i must stay strong. nobody can help me in the end. it's me, im on my own. being treated transparent at time. cant seem to mix to th crowd actually. well. i dont blame. perhaps im th wrong party. neverthless. something still affect me much, but i wont start ranting here. if not. it will be a long post. to much emotions could be poured in. well.. gd night!

-XiaoMiracle.

i miss him

Tags replied

2010-01-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

tags replies.
seldom get so much tag uhh.!! TAG MORE PLEASE!

Fiona{廷}: hahaz , i'll be the 2nd one to tag ! laughhhh
-XiaoM: lol should say 1st lar. coz i dun wan to c th so call welcome note by cobx. so ugly -.-

Karen: top 3 to tag xD anyway , smthing urgent to tell u , msg me when u see this pls ! 016-7190953
-XiaoM: *called.

Shenee: hehe ;x i was really freezing
-XiaoM: lol yea i know. well. diff ppl diff feeling ma

XiaoPrince-: i closed my blog for time being uhh. lazy to upload plus nobody will go my blog c. SAD. =(-XiaoM lei. then i XiaoPrince o.LOL~
-XiaoM: walau eh. everybody mia blog. then i oso sian sian liao lar! thinking of stop blogging lor! everybody stop. then whose blog i read sia!

yongxin: why keep changing blog link or?haha.. teach me how to change..
-XiaoM: it's easy actually. u see uhh. first u sign in ending up at dashboard, then u click setting. then publishing. then there gt a Blog*Spot Address. u chnge th link u want. but subject to availability lar of coz. then word verify and save setting. and you are done.

Jasmin: ha! shure , relink done and thanks fr yr concern! Luff! ;D and thanks fr th bdey present <: heartya!
-XiaoM: lols. just a small present. nth much. hope it bring u good luck uhh.. well. what are friends for <3

amanda: OMG! If you ugly then me lehs? ><" Me become super ugly le lo
-XiaoM: lol. aiya long story. due to past experience and "hurt", then left a "scar" le lor. so im very sensitive with many things actually. hahas. u not ugly lar! dont think too much.

XiangJun: Helloooooo! relink you le ^^
-XiaoM: thanks.

i wanted euu.

2010-01-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

blogging is th only way to let me feel better somehow. well. did poured my emotions into post. so.. anyway, dint get a good night sleep ytd. thought of many things. was damn emo lor me!! mood swing till~~ and im gettin more and more sensitive. well. nvm. nobody cares anyway.

feel so lonely even back to school. im kidda shut myself away from others. often heard other laughing but im there wandering what's wrong with me. sec4 life is damn tough. it's only th st week then buey tahan liaoz. cant imagine how my life will be. sleep, shcool, eat , study, eat, sleep. same old routine. sick of it alr. tight schedule from today onwards. SIAN!

XiaoMiracle this name do let me feel weird. it's like it's not calling me. well, perhaps, other side of me. familiar but still...

im missing him damn much now! miss everything of us.
every imagination and dreams, he'll be there.
imisshim.

a new chapter: 1st day of sec 4 life

2010-01-04T18:56:00.000+08:00

few pics which i took ytd.
it's first day of school. an important year ahead. still im in such a bad mood. things just doesn get any better.

well you see. i've been mood swing-ing th whole day. i felt so lonely at times. as usual. i never can lead the life i wanted so badly. never even get a taste of it. No life-.- im not blaming my parents. but i just cant stand feeling that im so that damn ugly. why others always look chio chio one. i tried and tried. seriously i feel so tired at times. but who will care for me. life must go on.i needa be strong.

often i wondered. after all for what i did. what did i gained? im still sad even more sad at the moment. heart beating so fast that i'll go mad just that soon.still, in th end i needa hang in there.
can anyone understand? no. they dont.

no matter how strong you are, it's th motivation of any reason that keeps you going. at times, u cant deny it that u need somebody by your side. even if he/she cant heal th wound. at least he/she makes u feel better. makes u feel that you are not inferior as compared to others. makes u feel that you are alive at the moment. (esp to xxx, u know it.but stay strong)

lastly, yes i'e changed. im no longer who i am. yes, more negative. but what can you do to it? lastly, lost confidence in friendship. it's a long way to go b4 time slowly heals it. still, i'll treat you guys same. but the latent inner feeling that i feel deep down shall never be the same. my happiness simply dont last.

since it's the first day of school right? shant make the post so emotional. shall talk about some school stuff. well aircon-ed classroom. yay? well. it's not very so that cold i assume. but then sheene stills says that it's freezing. Ha. fine. no comment. off to cwp after school with LL and lili. was damn happy that there is not any amaths lesson. well. first day of school leh! come on!went cotton on then walk here and there. nth much. just the same all CWP -.- lent jh and weiting popular card. was planning to buy earpiece but dropped th idea. and bla bla bla bla bla bla. then went back home. well. no life ppl no need talk so much about her no life lar right?

well, so much for th first post. emotions filled within.

i need alcohol -.-

missing my darling more than ever.